Coat Check

My heart began to flutter
As butterflies usually do
Like I hope it would;
This was no pain in my gut

In disbelief,
Aesthetics say we don’t match
In awe,
Hoping this will be the moment
I’m noticed;
Seen for who I am
Like you see in the films
The boy approaches the girl
Drink in hand
Saying everything but a one night stand

Hoping you’ll have me understand
When people say
Their hearts skip a beat;
Music with no rhythm
A gamble of emotions
A need for another one
A need to be needed

A handsome man,
Like the films with the simple
Plain protagonist:
I’m way out of my league

So seeing you approach
With such a sweet smile
And light eyes
I couldn’t help but imagine
A lifetime in the ten steps you took
Towards me,
Of all people

But then, it ends
Your lips move in kissing range
My dream fades
My makeup flakes
When I realize
When you ask

“Are you coat check?”

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dirt

In a dirt cellar
Or interstellar
My parts are with you
Mother planet in full view

Toes sifting through bare ground

Fuck me
as strong as gravity
With purpose
And severity

Your anatomy
Fascinates like astronomy
My universe

Combusting dust in the quiet
Fussing

While millions riot

We take time to be
Feeding as the roots
Quenching a thirst

No excuse for humanity
No better or worse

Keep us grounded

Fuck me
As strong as gravity.

YOUR MAN

I have something to say, I’ve always been real quiet
A good boy that’s always been respectful, on target
But you’ve never been kind
I get its all in your mind
But at the end of the day
My father is no longer mine

So go blow up, go get gassed
This time a bitch went and got her ass
I tried to warn him on how u used to get mad
Guess it’s easy to sway someone who’s held by his hand
Lucky for you, I’ll never go “see to that”
Cuz I’m as strong as a woman
Not as weak as your man

Cuz I’m as strong as a woman
Not as weak as your man

“How can u say all that about your own father?”
Just like with me
I don’t even bother
The better question is how could u to a child so young?
All he wanted was to be tight between father and son
And when you finally fell off your high horse heels
Your clutch got tighter as u never could heal

Thought for thot
Life’s already having u rot
Don’t go looking for trouble
Don’t go thicken your plot

Lucky for u, I’ll never go “see to that”
Cuz I’m strong as a woman,
Not as weak as your man

Cuz I’m strong as a woman
Not weak as your man

a numbers game

Why do you expect change?
It’s a numbers game
From your height
To your waist;
It’s a numbers game

Too large?
You’re a quick glance
Bar furniture with no purpose;
Even the stools get more ass

Too brown?
Your tongue probably
Doesn’t match my own
–But, maybe an accent?
Then again, that waist;
Such a waste

You should know better.
To come here, looking
You’re a dark spot on clear skin
A blemish, a stain
Needing removal;
Aren’t there websites for your type anyway?

The gaze.
Do what I like, get what I want
Working a retail schedule
Partying on a Tuesday
Labeled fabrics
Borrowed from roommates
Why work hard?
When I’m the fantasy
And you’re the noise;
The gays

Keep your career and good nature.
It’s all you have
Qualities acquired
By the non-desired

Don’t get mad.
When I think you’re coat check
You came here,
Looking
Too large, too brown
You came here

It’s a numbers game
From your height
To your waist;
(Never forget)
It’s a numbers game.

there are a lot of things

I just don’t seem to understand.  Even the simple, like blog keeping.  Or anything that really involves creativity and hard work.  I’d like to explore that.  I’d like to put it all on the table in as many characters as it takes.

There are things I’d like to say, but the words haven’t formed. They haven’t found their way out the thoughts yet. The jungle as cold and concrete as the streets I grew up in. I have never taken the time to find out what this is. This need to connect dots on paper. The need for attention. Even if I’m never read. I’m words in space. Overlooked.

Yet, the need won’t ever go away.

Sometimes I write to a future I’m not part of. Not because I think there will be better times. Just because it’s fun. The make believe. The details. None of it has to be real. Fun. Endless.

I want to explore the language I’ve acquired over the years. I still live where I come from. This, my town, home–cannot be negotiated. As sure as the darkened gum spots on cracked sidewalks, I age with the concreate. As the tar and unpleasant emissions in the air; I breathe.

This artificial beauty. This is my nature. My wood and stars. That, Crystal, I want to explore.

I proclaim as I give bits and pieces of my grid. The map of my core.

Another restless night,
Waking every other hour
Alone in bed
Hoping you’ll be ahead;
A little morning head

This isn’t one for the books,
Your arms aren’t meant to be my nook
Just a comfort for longs days
And as good as I am with foreplay
You’ll go away
Once we’re done, I go back into place;
There’s no reason to stay

These nights, I know the plan
You’ll keep me guessing
Until you’re ready to be had
Then from how you release my hand
I’m reminded this brief stand
Is just a number,
Just another man